Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Blonde Girl
by Black Pearl Girl
Summary: What happens when a new-age Teen Queen 'drops in' on the Black Pearl? Who are the MCATS and can they help? Will Jack be able to sweet-talk his way out of this one? Now, that is a lot of questions, so read on and find out!
1. Nice of you to drop in

**Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Blonde Girl**

**Summary:** What happens when a new-age Teen Queen 'drops in' on the Black Pearl? Who are the MCATS and can they help? Will Jack be able to sweet-talk his way out of this one? Now, that _is_ a lot of questions, so read on and find out!

(Rated PG13 for slight violence, swearing and rum!)

**Disclaimer: I, unfortunately don't own Jack, (YET!) Will or Liz but let's take a moment to think of the Disney Executives who actually do! I, however, do own the story and a few characters here and there.**

**A/N:** **Thanks for taking the time to read my first ever fanfic! A big hug goes to my friends to whom this is dedicated. Enjoy! And as always Read and Review! Flames accepted! (If you think it's what it deserves!)**

**Chapter 1: Nice of you to _drop_ in…**

She was falling! It felt like she was falling through centuries.

Now at this point, you might be wondering what was going through her head and to tell the truth, not much actually.

Just _'Why did I have to wear my new Hermès Original cocktail gown today?'_

_**SMACKDOWN!**_

She landed heavily on something wooden and slightly wet. _A cruise ship! _Maybe she had landed on the deck of a huge, luxurious cruise ship! She clung desperately to the thought of a whole day spa treatment, but it was all too much for her and she blacked out…

A small group of people who had been standing on deck had narrowly escaped being flattened by a falling blonde girl wearing an atrocious tangerine coloured designer gown.

The group had been discussing the immensely important issue of rum trade.

"Look, with all due respect Governor Swann, rum…" but what rum is, exactly was never heard. The speaker was cut off by a sickening thud. "Good Lord! What in the…" The Governor was cut off by the man defending rum trade.

"_NORRINGTON! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING? STOP BLOWIN' 'OLES IN MY SHIP!"_

"But Jack, there aren't any other shi…" Governor Swann was cut of again.

"Don't defend him Governor, He may be a Commodore but he can't go around abusin ' his power like that mate, it ain't fittin'!" he paused,

"Well, what have you got to say for yourself?"

Norrington, who was playing battleships with one of the Red Coats, jumped up, sending the board and pieces flying off the upturned barrel they were playing on.

"P-P-Please don't shout at me Jack, I wouldn't dream of er, umm, blowin' 'oles in _you_r ship!" He hung his head and started sniffling. The Red Coat put a hand on his shoulder and whispered soothingly "There, there Commodore, we know you try."

Jack turned to the man standing next to him. He looked extremely vapid. Jack rolled his eyes. "Will…, WILLIAM!" Jack waved his hand in front of Will's face. "Whaaaaaat!" He whined. "Did you see… you know what, never mind. Elizabeth, could you come here please love?" Jack called to a girl, who was speaking to a woman, who was part of Jack's crew.

"Morning Father, Commodore, Will, Jack. Annamaria and I were just saying…" she paused and stared pointedly at Jack. "Just saying what, exactly?" Jack was looking at her with an expression of pure envy. A sly grin spread over Liz's face. She was thoroughly enjoying Jack's impatience. "I promised Annamaria I wouldn't say…" she changed the subject. "Did you see that girl falling from the sky just now?"

Jack snorted. "I think she's been at the rum again."

"I have not!" Liz said. Jack was sniggering at her. She continued, ignoring him. "Besides she's lying on the deck behind you!" Jack and the Governor spun round.

"Oh my!"

"Bloody Hell!"

"See! I _told_ you!"

The girl was moaning slightly.

"I think she's coming to." Liz stated mater-of-factly. "But what an _atrocious_ dress!"

**A/N: Did you like it? Let me know! Just click that button and off you go!**


	2. A Caribbean Cruise

**Disclaimer: Yeah, no ground has been covered in my 'attempted' bid to buy the rights from Disney. (They stupidly refused my generous offer of 5 big ones…) I'm KIDDING! I still don't own it! (OH JACK! COME AND FIND ME!)**

**A/N: This chapter was a fun one to write! I hope you find it as amusing to read, as it was to write! THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEWS!**

**Bobo lover: We'll see about that! Next time pretend you don't know I've got more! OK?**

**Jess: Thanks I'm definitely continuing writing, will you continue reading?**

**EmailyGirl: Oh yes! Much random wickedness is to follow!**

**Tink: AH well! JOSH MEN ROCK! Please do NOT remind me about my vicious sister again! Tah! **

**Chapter 2: A Caribbean "Cruise"**

She was finally coming to. She was _really _looking forward to her all-day spa treatment. So she didn't have any money. _BIG WHOOP!_ You can get anything you want when you're a Duff, baby! You just have to say the word!

Her surroundings were still a bit blurry. She could just make out a group of people all peering down at her and one of them looked vaguely familiar…

"_OhmigodyourOrlandoBloom!"_ she screeched. Then the girl jumped up (with great difficulty due to her feral gown!) and continued screeching and pointing at Will.

"_Ohmigodyouarelikesooototalywayhotterinreallife! IlovedyouinTroyandLotR!"_ The girl spoke so fast that her words seemed to run together, her ascent and squeaky voice just made it worse.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, young missy. Who are ye exactly?" Jack was clearly not amused. "I don't appreciate stowaways on the Black Pearl. Savvy?" he said in a menacing tone. "Oooh I _am _on a cruise ship!" she replied. The girl was clearly lacking something upstairs.

The girl stopped. You could almost see her tiny mind working away. "So you guys don't _know_ who I am?" Her eyes travelled from bemused face to bemused face. "Oh come _on!_ It's not like we're in the 18th century or something!" Liz was now giggling like a crazed schoolgirl because it in fact, _was_ the 18th century. The girl continued unabashed. "I'm Hilary Duff! Singer, dancer and actress extraordinaire!" Jack, who had been examining his compass as though it was a watch, snapped it shut and stepped forward.

"_I_ am Captain Jack Sparrow, lord and master of all you see before you. And that is my scurvy crew." He gestured to the crew, who was going about their daily chores. "Hey! Watch who you're calling scurvy Jack." Annamaria's voice floated down from the rigging. Jack looked up; a slight pink tinge appeared on Jack's handsome, weather beaten face. "Sorry Annamaria love!" he called back to her.

"Ahem!" Liz managed to suppress another fit of giggles. "Yeah, sorry Elizabeth love. Well, this is Governor Swann and his daughter, Miss Elizabeth." He pointed to them. Then Jack swaggered over to Will, clapped a hand on his shoulder and continued. "And this is our so-called child prodigy, The son of Bootstrap Bill Turner, I present to you…William Turner the Second!" With a flourishing gesture he pointed to Will and waited for applause. Not a sound was heard except the muffled chirping of a cricket. "God! It's so _hard_ to find a good exterminator these days!" Jack muttered.

Norrington, who had been sniffling away in his corner for the last ten minutes, suddenly began sobbing uncontrollably. "He _always_ forgets meeeeeeee!" He wailed. "I admire him sooooo much and all he does is take me for granted!" The Red Coat continued patting his shoulder, but now an arm's length away from him. Jack sighed and rolled his dark eyes. "And that swotty, namby-pamby excuse of a man is Commodore Norrington."

The girl said nothing. She simply stood there, mouth hanging open. Jack had taken out his compass again.

Silence descended upon the group like a blanket of fog.

"What did you say your name was again, dear?" The Governor had stoped gaping at the Commodore and decided to say something before anyone could cut him off…again. "Hilary." She replied in a robotic monotone. "Hilary. Hmmm, how indeed…" Governor Swann was cut off again, but by Hilary this time. He stamped his foot in frustration.

"So, I'm not on a cruise ship? There's no spa? No Manicure? No Pedicure?" Hilary felt her eyes well up. Now they were laughing at her! This was sooo unfair! She had the looks, the style, and not to mention the money! They would pay! As soon as she got home, she would get her lawyer to sue them for all their worth! Then we'll see who's laughing!

Jack and Liz were both doubled up with laughter. "Oh darling! You must have hit your head harder than you thought! This ain't no pleasure cruise love! This is a Pirate ship!" Jack was wiping tears of mirth from his eyes as he spoke. "The fastest one in the Caribbean." He added. Elizabeth was unable to speak, as she was preoccupied with the hiccough attack she was experiencing. " Are you like, Pirates of the Caribbean then?" Hilary asked. Jack grinned and said "Yeah, I suppose we are, aren't we?"

**A/N: Please review! It would make it all worthwhile! **


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